Dear Difference Maker,
During a recent training, I did a little work with a lovely, caring woman who stated, "I've done everything I know how to do to help my sister with her abusive husband, and nothing has worked."
In situations like these I have found that it's entirely possible that two variables are in play:
1) Everything that's been 'tried' has been solely from the Color Personality Style of the person who is suffering and not succeeding at getting things turned around for the better and...
2) That too much advice-giving and commiserating has been going on, and not enough investigation AND learning a new Skill Set has been considered. The person suffering is doing so only because they "think" that there is no solution - "This person is impossible!" - when it's a Skill Set issue.
The solutions you seek do not reside in trying harder at what you've already tried from YOUR Color Personality Style ... it's about expanding YOUR Skill Set to learn how to Dial In another person's Color Personality Style before you communicate anything at all... let alone anything that's really important to you!
 The Cruel Frog Experiment
Several experiments involving the recording the reaction of frogs to slowly heated water took place in the 19th century, which even though cruel, illustrate what can happen when we live an unexamined life:
Phase 1 of the experiment: The scientists dropped a frog into scalding water. The frog
jumped out immediately, and saved its own life by doing so. You and I would do the same. If we find ourselves in extreme pain or imminent danger, we will flee immediately.
Phase 2 of the experiment: The scientists then put the frog in a pan with tepid water and placed the pan on a burner. The fire under the pan was turned up ever so slowly, until ultimately it was boiling. The frog did not jump out and ultimately died.
This animal cruelty experiment illustrates that, in NOT doing anything productive about difficult people or challenging life situations, we literally set ourselves up for undesirable experiences.
What might happen if you started to deal directly with the people or situations in your life that are giving you the most challenge right now from your current Skill Set?
The Catch-22 - what's going on is currently undesirable - BUT - if we speak up using the current SKILL SET we've been using, it's possible that it's going to get more undesirable ... Right?
Here are some poisonous Frog Speak Reasons we tell ourselves to let well enough alone...
- I am powerless to change things.
- I have no control anyway, why bother?
- This is just too hard.
- There will be backlash - hell to pay!
- They will turn it around on me and tell me I'm the crazy one.
- It takes too much time and energy to bother with this person. They are impossible.
- What's the use, they will never change.
- I hate upsetting anyone when asking them to change.
And the most debilitating of them all, in Frog Speak:
Frog Reactions: Some of the current ways we've been handling difficult people and situations in the present and past that are not working is that we ...
- Get angry
- Get in people's faces
- Emotionally check out
- Leave the room, leave the relationship
- Minimize or bypass it all together
- Use blame, shame, guilt and our disappointment to get them to GET IT
- Become invisible
I think you can see that it's a Catch-22.
So in that way, we are like the frog, but the undercurrents are always there with the potential to heat up and affect our health, energy and state of mind; we're not doing anything to remedy the situation because we don't have the knowledge.
I know what it means to rationalize with FROG SPEAK Reasons ... in just
4 short years my life, Iwent from being a highly successful educator to feeling like someone was running their fingernails down the blackboard of my soul.
In 1984, I lost my first child at birth, a year later I had a high-risk pregnancy, the next year after our son was born I divorced my husband, the year after that I moved to a new state, and when all of my job prospects and interview feel through, I was now a single mother of a two year old emotionally and physically burned out and literally living on pennies.
With the precious exception of my wonderful son, I had somehow managed to get everything in life I did not want!
Why did all of this happen? LIFE WAS DEMANDING that BE more, not expend more. That I take it upon myself to learn empowering skills on how to deal with my adult relationships much more effectively.
That's where the Color Styles information comes in ...
AND so ... Don't be a FROG!
 Reaching out ...
Mary Robinson Reynolds
Author & Founder of Heart Productions & Publishing
www.ConnectingwithColors.com
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