My "What, If, When ...30 seconds to Impact" Transformational Technique!

We have just completed Week 2 of my Academic Success 101 Boot Camp and I wanted to share the Successes of the first week with you, from the class participants. CLICK HERE to listen to their phenomenal results! www.academicsuccess101.com/Successes/

You may be thinking, "What does a program about today's youth at-risk have to do with me?" ... and I will answer that by saying, "Just about everything!"

Whether I am training educators, entrepreneurs or the leaders in Fortune 500 companies, the application of simple "human regard" is absolutely necessary in transforming any - and all - challenging situations. Many in society today are quick to "make war" - i.e., attack anything they disagree with, and when you are the person on the receiving end of that, rather than push back, here is a very quick way to start dissolving the discord.

I call it the "What, If, When" technique.

First of all, let's get something understood: Children can sense if you attitudinally see them as the enemy and their behaviors as bad, bad, bad. Children know if you don't like them or if you see them as an energy drain, a nuisance and a bother. As adults, we know this too. The only difference is that we've learned over the years how to pretend we don't feel what we feel, know what we know, or want what we really want. Children learn from us how to become the label that has been put on them.

You must give regard if you are to receive respect. We teach people how to treat us. It is incongruous to expect others to be respectful when you are not respectful in your attitude and your treatment of them. It's like pushing an individual to the ground, putting your foot on her shoulder and yelling "Get Up!

You can encourage people how to be accountable for their unskilled and/or hurtful behavior by simply asking them to share what's going on with them that is causing them to do what they are doing.

Asking "what" not "why" raises emotional intelligence, and will eliminate habitual excuse-making. Once the thinking and the feelings are voiced and understood, the two of you can come up with an agreeable solution.

THE WHAT, IF, WHEN Transformational Technique
excerpt from Make A Difference with the Power of Connection

When you witness a person doing something verbally or attitudinally harmful to his peer, i.e., his community, you simply and quietly ask the person to step aside with you so you can find out what's really going on, openly and compassionately.

At this pivotal moment, you only need to say one thing to individuals who have been hurtful or unskillful:

"What's going on for you that you would do (or say) what you just did?"

If they don't know, simply say, "If you did know, what would it be?"

If they still can't access what's actually upsetting them, then say:

"When you do know, will you please share it with me? I care about you. For now, let's get back to work."

No more and no less. If you start ad-libbing, you may easily start being condescending without meaning to. Keep it simple and then stop yourself from saying one more word! Seriously. Close your mouth and leave some air space for what you've just asked to work its magic. Say you care and then leave it on the table to be worked out within that individual's own psyche. Every single person has their own inner voice that can take it from there.

That's it. This very specific technique interrupts what's happening and transforms any unproductive experience with anyone. Try it at school, home with your spouse, children and /or teenagers. You will transform any situation quickly and once and for all!

Simply asking "What's going on for you" instead of "Why did you do it?" connects the dots to the heart of the matter instead of leading to more cerebral excuses that never, ever get resolved!

It lets individuals know that, even though they've been unskillful in their treatment of others, they matter to you. They now have your full compassionate attention, and they know that you want to help them with whatever it is they feel they needed to strike out about.

Repeat, repeat, repeat "What, If, When" as needed while new skills are being developed.

CLICK HERE to listen to Boot Camp Participant's 1st Week's phenomenal results!

It's important to note here that you 1) not fear the answer and 2) be very patient while waiting for the answers.

I would venture a guess that a very large percentage of the population has never been asked "What" VS "Why" ... it takes time to access what's really behind the behavior for most individuals.

You will hear on the Audio clip I've provided for you today, just how each of these TeleCourse participants trusted the questions, to help the student learn how to account for his or her behavior.

If the individual defensively replies: "What do you care?" You simply answer, "What's happening for you is very important to me. You matter to me and I'm on your side, hoping that together we can work this out."

If the individual defensively replies: "You are just babying me." You can simply say, "I understand that you feel like I'm babying you, and I may be! But what I really want you to know is how much you matter to me and how important I feel it is that we work this thing out."

If the individual says: "I don't like you using 'techniques' like this on me. You're asking questions like you are superior to me." You simply say, "What's going on between us really matters to me and so yes, I am going to try to find out what's going on, so we can clear this up between us. And the only way I can do that is to ask questions!"

Try it! Email me your Successes!

Reaching out to make a difference today ...

Mary Robinson Reynolds
Founder of Heart Productions & Publishing
MakeADifference.com

PS ... it's NOT TOO LATE to register for my Academic Success 101 Boot Camp!

Every Class is Audio taped and available for you as an MP3 Download! So you can quickly catch up and participate if you choose to, or just listen to each weeks recording, at your leisure.

Beginning May 1, the Program Package will cost $349 ... Register NOW and SAVE $50 ... $299!

CLICK HERE to learn more!

OR go to AcademicSuccess101.com

Heart Productions & Publishing, PO Box 56, Newton Jct., NH 03859