Make
A Difference …with Courage
This
next story is a most exquisite account of how one woman's
compassion actually helped create a family. I am deeply struck by
the unbridled power of this nurse's story, and not only
because my very own firstborn child was lost to us at birth. I
know the power of holding your baby in your arms to say hello
and good-bye. But this story is also an illustration of great
courage. She did
what was right, and it made a profound difference in the lives
of these parents and their ability to go forward into a
beautiful future. Here is Dolly Adriatico's story:
"Many years ago as a young nurse, I worked on an OB-GYN unit
in a hospital. I
loved being around mothers-to-be and their new babies. One particular woman I
cared for had already lost four babies who were born
prematurely, and she was in the process of losing her
fifth. It was an
incredibly sad event for everyone on the unit, and I couldn't
think of a way to console this poor woman.
"As she cried to me about her loss, she felt it was especially
tragic, since this particular baby was the one she had carried
the longest. The
other four were lost early on in the pregnancy, but she had a
special bond with this fifth baby, for she could feel him kick
and move inside her. She said she wished she could just hold him for a
little while, and touch him, as it would make the whole
experience more real for her.
"'Do you want to hold your baby?' I blurted out, knowing that
in those days, this was an unheard-of event on our unit.
"My brain kicked into high gear, trying to figure out how I
could possibly arrange this very controversial (at the time)
meeting of new mother and deceased child without getting
fired. Both the
woman and her husband looked at me with pleading eyes and
asked ‘Can we hold our baby, please? It would mean so much
to us.' Now, there was no stopping me. I had to make someone in
authority listen to me and find a way to get this new baby to
its parents.
"After speaking with the parents a few more minutes, I made
the decision to pursue this course for them, and I went to
speak to my supervisor.
"'What! They want
to hold their baby? Haven't they been through enough?' my supervisor
said.
"I convinced her to go and talk to the parents, and also
convinced a social worker to sit in on the event for
support. Within a
half hour, the newly deceased baby was wheeled to the room
where his parents waited. It was one of the
"Sad, because the baby had died, of course, but happy, because
he was so perfect. A beautiful cap of dark wavy hair covered his tiny
little scalp, ten fingers and ten toes and luscious long
eyelashes. The
baby looked as if he were sleeping peacefully while his
parents wept silently over his loss. After a short time,
the parents were ready to relinquish the baby and he was
returned to the morgue.
"I spoke with them about the experience of holding the baby,
and the mother said something I could almost understand at the
time—and now that I have children of my own, I totally
understand what she meant. She said that they
both knew the baby had died, and that they'd have plenty of
time to see him and hold him at the funeral, but that they
wanted to spend time with him before the funeral setting. She said that at least
for one moment, they could pretend he was alive and just
sleeping, and that was something they had never experienced
with their other losses. She said she just wanted to feel what it's like to be a
mother, even if it's only for a few moments. Both she and her
husband thanked me profusely and we parted ways at the end of
the shift.
"When I went to work the next day I was really hurt to learn
that she had left the hospital without so much as a thank you
to me. I was young and inexperienced back then, but I guess I
would have been happy with a ‘thanks' written on a scrap of
paper towel. Here I was, really thinking the whole night
of the event that I had actually made a difference to someone
and that this was what nursing was all about.
"To my delight and surprise, three years later, a letter from
this mother arrived on the unit for me. She thanked me again
for my kindness that day, and she was happy to report to me
that she and her husband had adopted three siblings and all
were doing well. She also said that she kept that feeling of being a
mother and held it in her heart all this time, but that the
loss was just a dull ache now, as she had become a real mother
to three children. She said she feels like a mother every day
now.
"Did I make a difference to her? I like to think
so. But she made
a difference for me too."
I
don't need to tell you how powerful this story is on so many
different levels. However the point I want to make here is
that so often we think our actions have not made a
significant difference—and that can be disheartening.
What's
important here is to take heart in those moments. Remembering
always that you receive the instant you give and, in that, you can trust you've made difference in
someone's life, because you felt it in your own.
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